10 Years Later

I sat alone at the coffee table, lost in my thoughts. So much had changed and then, so much had not. Ten years had gone by, swiftly and yet, not so swiftly. I remembered the last time we had met, at exactly the same place, same time, and same coffee table, exactly one year ago. “Our place!” I sighed inwardly, “our moments, our sweet, stolen moments!” I smiled to myself as his favorite song began playing in the background, almost on a cue. “His favorite, and now I wonder why he is late?!” 4:55 pm already and no sign of Sunil, who had a strange penchant to always reach any place before time. “I win Sunil, yet again I reached before you! My fourth consecutive win!!!” I thought to myself as I turned my eyes to the door of the cafe to see Sunil walk inside. I got up from my chair to greet him. He smiled at me, his eyes boring inside me as always. “Stop staring at me, Sunil!” I chided him as he embraced me in a warm hug. “I can’t stop doing exactly that, Priya!” he winked at me, as he settled in the chair opposite mine.

“You win again, Priya! This coffee is again on me, the fourth consecutive win!!” he laughed aloud as he repeated the strange rule of our meeting. The one who reached early had to pay the bill. He looked leaner and fitter than ever before and I couldn’t help asking him, “Seeing someone Sunil?” He winked again, and this time around leaned forward with a slight whisper. “Yes I am Priya, but please keep this a secret! It’ll be a scandal if this news leaks!” he smiled again. I couldn’t help noticing the wrinkled skin around his eyes and lips. “He is growing old,” I thought to myself as I suddenly realized I was the same age as him. “How do I look, Sunil?” I asked him, sounding rather stupid to myself. “Want to hear the truth?” he asked me mockingly. “Of course, the truth and only the truth!” I replied instantly. “Well, you look the same as I remember Priya, just a lot self-assured, matured, in control and assertive. Not the Priya I once knew, the one who clinged and cried and begged for every small thing” his words surprised me.

I knew Sunil would never mince his words, the very quality that hurt me so often and ended up making me feel vulnerable and needy. I was suddenly reminded of our meeting ten years earlier. After courting each other for four years, we had fought, bitterly and endlessly and the tears wouldn’t stop, for both of us. Right here, at this table, the decision had been made. And it had hurt both of us, to the extent that we had severed all ties completely for the following three years. There was nothing amicable and peaceful about the way we parted ways. The bitterness and resentment weighed heavy on our minds and bodies, as we drifted away forcefully; Sunil to his hometown and I had relocated to another country to pursue my higher education. Three years had gone by without contact, without communication. Until one evening, when a common friend messaged informing about Sunil’s loss. His mother, whom I had known so well, had passed away suddenly. That formed the basis of our communication to start again. Initially inconsistent, and largely sporadic, it gradually became more consistent, stronger and open, the way it had been earlier. But there were many unasked and unanswered questions, a definite barrier in our exchanges and lots that was left to imagination and restraint.

The strange uniqueness of our undefinable relationship made things complicated yet easy. Somewhere along the line, dawned the realization that we wished to be connected. I don’t remember who suggested, but almost on a coincidence, we decided to meet here at this place, exactly five years after we were supposed to have broken off, and away from each other. There was no closure and there was no way, we would not cross our paths again. So meet we did, every year, at the same place, same time, and same coffee table. An unspoken, unmet need to meet each other, commemorating the existence of a bond, perhaps beyond societal acceptance and definitions. And here we were, for the fourth consecutive year, sitting across each other, distant yet close, together but not quite.

“Lost again, not-so-little Priya!” Sunil tapped on my wrist, bringing me back to where I was. “Scrolling down memory lane, again and again, I see!” he spoke looking straight into my eyes, as if he could read exactly what was going on in my mind. “Yes Sunil, I am scrolling down memory lane. Thinking about how we fought and tried to end everything ten years ago, then how we reconnected again and how we keep meeting each other every year on this day. A celebration of our break up? Or an attempt to patch up? Or what? And what are we?” I asked him for the umpteenth time, maybe more to myself than to him, holding tight onto the coffee, like it was my armor against my own emotions.

“You tell me Priya! What do you think we are to each other? And yet again, do we really need to define what we are? Is it so much of a necessity to keep defining to each other, and to people outside of us, what we are? Are we friends, or lovers, or well-wishers, or mere acquaintances who just keep their memories of togetherness strong and alive? Who meet once a year, no matter where they are before and after, no matter how challenging their schedules and times? Who see each other, talk to each other in person, sit across each other and have a harmless, candid conversation over a cup of coffee? You tell me, Priya!” he implored me gently. This was a new Sunil, I had never known before. A calmer, more patient and composed Sunil, I had waited for and finally given up on, a decade ago. “Is he really the Sunil I had known before? Or is it a different person, who I am gradually but surely warming up to? Oh Sunil! Every time we meet, I can’t stop thinking how much I miss you, but……” I had inadvertently spoken aloud, I realized as I saw Sunil’s expression change, from surprise to happiness and then amusement.

“So Priya, you believe I have changed? And you also accept that you are falling for me? And surely you miss me, just as I do too!” he almost screamed in delight as I blushed profusely. Wiping away the beads of perspiration from my flushed face, I looked down suddenly shy and unsure. “Look up at me Priya, are you sure?” he prodded me as I sat there, obviously stunned by what had happened. None of this was planned and I inwardly cursed myself for my irrational behavior. I didn’t have the courage to look up at him. I barely managed to wipe the fresh perspiration lining my face, while Sunil gently asked again, “Priya, this time around are you really sure?” “Sunil, let me think please, give me some time,” I whispered as I gradually lifted my eyes to meet his hopeful gaze. “Time is it?! We have already wasted ten years, I fear I won’t be able to accept this request. I know this has been brewing for long and I have to say, you helped me to build my patience and understanding like I never have. I messed up Priya, I messed up big time. Back then we were kids, barely out of school and high on hormones and stupidity. I see a more poised, confident and beautiful woman in place of the immatured and defiant girl I loved. And I have changed too, if you believe me” his voice was firm, but not angry and rash as it used to be.

“I know you have changed Sunil and frankly, I feel more comfortable and myself with you now than ever before. I dated many men, but it was something about you that always brought me back, here to this café, a foolish hope and desire to meet the man I perhaps never stopped loving, that’s you-Sunil” my eyes brimmed with tears as I finally uttered what had been on mind all these years. I had realized long ago, that there would never be another one for me, it was Sunil or no one else. To have loved someone so intensely and deeply was a curse! Memories created with pleasure and love had been the source of immense pain and grief, these past years, however much I had attempted and failed at running away from Sunil and everything associated with him. My tear-filled eyes finally managed to meet his. I was shocked to see him cry profusely too. It was exactly what had happened ten years ago, only this time around, these were tears of happiness and gratitude, of future promises and togetherness forever.

With a smile, he brought out a box from his satchel. “I have been carrying this in my satchel since the last five years that we have been meeting this day, this place. It is finally the time to open this and gift it to you” his words were music as he gently clasped my wrist, opened my right palm and slid the shining solitaire on my ring finger. “To us, to forever” he kissed me tenderly on my cheeks, as he pulled me towards him, hugging tightly, the passion and love, pent up over the last ten years, gradually consuming our senses and enveloping us into one, long, lingering embrace, as the coffee went cold.